So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
