hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
