those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
