Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
