The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
