hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
