I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
