i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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