She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
