During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
