Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
can u get pink eye on your cock?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
