Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
