In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
