I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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