Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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