My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
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