so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
