I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
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She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
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I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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