Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
