She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
