The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
