She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
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