I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
