6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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