i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
