My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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