I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
