just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
