I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
