I skipped work to stalk him.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize