we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You have to summon your inner elephant
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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