hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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