Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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