East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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