Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
