So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I have feelings that need drinking.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
