I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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