Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
