Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
