i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
