Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
