Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
