he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
