we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
