i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
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