just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
