oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
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I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
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She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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