Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
