One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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