My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
