i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
