I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Screwed.edu
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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