Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
