before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
