Screwed.edu
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
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