I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
