If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
