The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
