see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
