is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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