you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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