Joe is yelling at the trees again.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
