Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Someone came in the potted fern
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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