My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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