saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
