What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
