it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Randomize
