so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
