i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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