Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Randomize
