he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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