I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I just found puke in my bra..
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
