this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
