Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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